Sunday, March 6, 2011

Results: TASW - "18th Annual Humble Rumble"

Texas All-Star Wrestling presents the "18th Annual Humble Rumble"

March 5, 2011

Coaches Sports Bar - Humble, TX


The "Humble Rumble" is an annual event held by Texas All-Star Wrestling in -- where else? Humble, Texas. This year (2011) the card is being held at Coaches Sports Bar outside on the patio. I mention this because it was cold. Cold and windy. Just down the road one of those bank time and temperature signs reads 49°. Now the patio area at Coaches has a (lit) fire pit and those portable patio heaters but unfortunately for me as I was running late, by the time I got there all of the 75+ fans at the show had already surrounded the heat sources. From where I was sitting I could see the action just fine, but it was cold. Well, at least the show started almost right on time.

Ring announcer "Diamond Dawg" starts us off by welcoming everyone to the show and then informs us that there's nine matches on the card. In my head I'm already doing the math; nine matches plus two intermissions (TASW uses two intermissions during a show) equals me freezing my ass off. And hey, there's more good news... we're going to start the show with a promo. The TASW champion Dylan "Super" Starr is out and issues an open challenge for any former TASW champion to face him (Starr) for his title.

We have a challenger and it is... Bones? Here's a guy who's been gone so long (2 years) that I don't even remember him. Anyway, Bones doesn't want to wrestle Starr, he wants to be the referee for the match. He has someone else in mind to face Starr. Some bad country music blares out over the PA and out comes the real challenger Bubba Lee Travis. For some reason Starr is okay with all of this and so later this evening the champion Dylan Starr will square off against challenger Bubba Lee Travis for Starr's TASW Heavyweight Championship.

Match #1 -- Christopher Lyons vs. "Big" Nate Slater
Slater just can't seem to put Lyons away and totally loses his cool. He corners Lyons and starts pummeling away. Slater pushes referee Alex Evans down three times before Evans calls for the bell. Lyons gets the victory by DQ.

Match #2 -- TASW Cruiserweight Championship Match
Amien Rios vs. Leon Magico
The Cruiserweight title is currently vacant, which is why neither name above has the little (c) by it. The rudo/tecnico schema is quickly established. Rios berates the audience and hides behind the referee. Leon Magico makes with the swanky tecnico offense, with the highlight being a nice top rope headscissors by Leon Magico (I'm pretty sure I've said that before about a match between these two). Finally, Rios catches Leon Magico coming off the ropes and the momentum swings. Rios makes with the techniques he learned in Rudo 101 including three long pressure holds for Leon Magico to struggle out of. And yes, one was the dreaded double arm stretch. These two are wrestling a entertaining little match but the crowd is dead. Maybe they're all frozen. Rios whips Leon Magico into the corner. Flair Flip out and over by Leon Magico, who then heads up top. Cross body by Leon Magico and the comeback is on. Nice tilt-a-whirl armdrag by Leon Magico sends Rios to the outside. Tope suicida by Leon Magico gets little response from the crowd. I applaud the effort though. Leon Magico tosses Rios back into the ring. Rios catches Leon Magico coming in again. Double underhook facebuster (Angel's Wings) puts Leon Magico away. Amien Rios is the new TASW Cruiserweight Champion. Another fun matchup between these two.

Match #3 -- Killah Kash vs. "Rockstar" Robbie Gilmore
Kash is perhaps better known (in TASW at least) as "The Giant" Kash. The basic story of the match is somehow the "Rockstar" will have to use his quickness and agility to overcome Kash's size and strength. He's not having much luck with that so far. Gilmore finally manages to string some offense together with a springboard smash to the head that knocks Kash down. Codebreaker puts Kash down again. Whoa... Kash uses a rope break. Awkward looking top rope elbow drop by the "Rockstar" (Kash was too close to the corner). Kash uses another rope break. (Big men should use rope breaks sparingly and only in big matches. This ain't a big match.) Both men get back to their feet. Robbie runs the ropes. Kash channels his inner Monty Brown and Pounces. Thankfully that's not one of his finishers. Kash catches Robbie up top and climbs to the second rope looking for a superplex. Using an ancient, mysterious method that only works in pro wrestling, Robbie manages to stun Kash enough to where he stays in position on the turnbuckle while he (Robbie) manages to slide down under the big man. Powerbomb! The little "Rockstar" has beaten the "Giant".

Match #4 -- Title vs. Career Match (No DQ, Falls Count Anywhere)
"King of Humble" Scoby Gober vs. Johnny Fantasy
The title on the line here is not actually a title at all but rather a custom, championship style belt Scoby had made. According to "Diamond Dawg", Fantasy stole it over a year ago. While I'm reluctant to put much stock in what someone who calls himself "Diamond Dawg" asserts to be true, in this particular case I'll just go with it. Fantasy is accompanied by my current favorite valet Raquel aka "The Queen of New Orleans". Raquel is carrying the aforementioned belt. You would think that with whats on the line here (for Scoby anyway) and the fact that it's a no DQ match Scoby would do something like grab a poolstick and procede to beat Fantasy about the head, but you would be wrong. We start as if it's just another match. Scoby with a side headlock, elbow drop here, leg drop there, etc... Finally the fight spills to the outside and the real fun should begin. From somewhere Fantasy finds a staple gun and staples a napkin to Scoby's forehead. It stays there for a while. The two men, with Raquel in tow, fight around the patio. Somewhere along the way Scoby gets busted open. Some kid throws ice at Fantasy; the security guy only glares and points. Back in the ring and it's a low blow by Scoby. RKO by Scoby only gets a two count. Raquel heads up top to save her mealticket. Cross body block by the "Queen of NOLA". Scoby's back up though and chases Raquel out of the ring. Fantasy with a rollup attempt... No! Scoby's got the ankle lock. For some reason the ringside security guy decides it's part of his job description to keep Raquel out of the ring. No save for Fantasy who taps to the ankle lock. Well, Scoby got his belt back. Decent pop by the cadavers (cold and dead) in the audience as well.

The first intermission is coming up. If you need me I'll be over by the fire pit.


Match #5 -- Triple Threat Match
T-Bone vs. ZenZen vs. DarkStar
It has to have been at least a year since I've seen DarkStar wrestle anywhere. He still looks the same though. ZenZen gets tossed outside early on and decides to warm himself by the fire pit while DarkStar and T-Bone fight up in the ring. From there it's pretty much what you expect from a triple threat match. For the finish we see ZenZen lock T-Bone in a full Boston Crab. DarkStar clobbers ZenZen from behind. DarkStar hits a splash from the second rope on T-Bone. ZenZen can't break it up in time, DarkStar gets the win.

Match #6 -- Gustavo Mendoza vs. "Sexy" Steve DeMarco
Damn... it's only been a few minutes and I'm already freezing again. I'm so cold my hands refused to take notes. All I can remember from this match is the finish. DeMarco takes his shirt off just in time to get speared by Mendoza. Gustavo calls for the superkick. DeMarco ducks under and connects with a kick of his own. DeMarco covers. DeMarco wins.

Match #7 -- "Ruthless" Ryan Davidson vs. Mysterious Q
I'm forcing my hands to work now. Ryan Davidson is one of my favorite heels currently and this should be a good match. Just as we get underway Davidson calls for a timeout. Hey, a guy's gotta stretch, right? Davidson wants a test of strength, Q turns it into an armdrag off the top rope. Davidson tosses Q over the top rope (Yea!), but ends up getting posted by Q on the outside (Boo!). Back in the ring again and Davidson is in control. Well, he was until Q hit a spinning DDT and spiked him right on his head. We're in the run-up to the finish now. Davidson with a hurty looking spinebuster. Only a 2 though. Uh-oh, Q caught Davidson with a 619. Q's heading up top. Frog splash. One... two... three, Q wins. Oh well. Good match, other than that hackneyed 619.

Match #8 -- TASW Heavyweight Championship Match
Bubba Lee Travis vs. (c) Dylan "Super" Starr
Bones of course, is the special guest referee. Bubba Lee shows he's a class act by pulling out a handkerchief, blowing his nose into it, wiping his underarms with it, and then shoving it in Starr's face. Starr is the heel here but his offense is more like a face, e.g., a top rope moonsault. And Bones, he hasn't been much of a factor so far. Eventually, Bubba Lee is making a comeback and he has Starr in trouble. DarkStar is coming out to ringside. It looks like he's just here to distract our special guest referee. Good job too. Starr hits Bubba Lee with a low blow. Now Starr's picking up the championship belt and setting up to hit Bubba Lee with it. Bones, the distracted referee all of a sudden isn't distracted anymore and catches Starr with the belt. Bones rips the belt from Starr's hands and holds it up as if to strike. Bones with a belt shot at Starr... No! It was a fake out. Bones turns around and kicks Bubba Lee right in the groin area. Bubba Lee drops to his knees in agony as Bones and Starr share a warm embrace. (They hug). Belt shot from Starr to Bubba Lee. Starr covers, Bones quickly counts the three. Starr and his new pal Bones celebrate. Well, Starr is anyway, Bones seems to prefer choking out Bubba Lee. BTW, if you couldn't see that turn coming then you just don't watch enough wrestling. Oh, and I never actually saw DarkStar leave, he just kind of disappeared.

Intermission number 2 is coming up and a mad dash is on to the fire pit. Ok, it was just me. Everyone else was much more civilized about it.


We lost some people during the intermission so I claim a freshly abandoned seat right next to a patio heater. It's time for the main event.

Main Event -- Humble Rumble
It's not just the Humble Rumble, it's the 18th Annual Humble Rumble. I thought I might post a list of past Humble Rumble winners but I couldn't find much in the way of useful information on the net. Anyway, this is a Royal Rumble elimination type match. Two men start, every 30 seconds a new man enters. Participants are eliminated by going over the top rope and having both feet touch the ground. The last man left wins. The winner tonight becomes the #1 Contender for the TASW Heavyweight Championship. Mysterious Q and Chip Dumas (another face from the past) are going to start.
  • "Rockstar" Robbie enters third.
  • Gustavo Mendoza enters fourth
  • Amien Rios enters fifth.
  • Leon Magico enters sixth.
  • Kash enters seventh.
  • Christopher Lyons enters eighth.
  • "Rockstar" Robbie is eliminated by Kash.
  • Christopher Lyons is eliminated by Kash.
  • Leon Magico is eliminated.
  • Big Nate Slater enters ninth.
  • Gustavo Mendoza eliminates himself.
  • Raquel enters tenth.
  • Amien Rios is eliminated by Q.
  • Steve DeMarco enters eleventh.
  • Lil' Chunky enters twelfth.
  • T-Bone enters thirteenth.
  • ZenZen enters fourteenth.
  • Lil' Chunky is eliminated by Steve DeMarco.
  • Johnny Fantasy enters fifteenth.
  • DarkStar enters sixteenth.
  • Big Nate Slater is eliminated.
  • Chip Dumas is eliminated by Kash.
  • Bubba Lee Travis enters seventeeth.
  • Bubba Lee Travis is eliminated by DarkStar.
  • "Ruthless" Ryan Davidson enters eighteenth and is the final entrant.
  • T-Bone is eliminated by Kash.
  • Kash is eliminated by Q and Ryan Davidson.
  • DarkStar is eliminated by Q and Ryan Davidson.
  • ZenZen is eliminated by Ryan Davidson.
  • Raquel and Johnny Fantasy are eliminated simultaneously by Steve DeMarco.
  • Q and Steve DeMarco are eliminated simultaneously by Ryan Davidson.
"Ruthless" Ryan Davidson is the winner of the 18th Annual Humble Rumble and is the #1 contender for the TASW Heavyweight Championship. As for me, I'm going somewhere warm.


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